Sometimes it is trivial things that upset us especially if we have had a challenging day. Most of us would like to cope better and feel calm and satisfied at the end of the day. But there are also times in our lives when we are feel really sad and despondent. It may be useful to know how to cope at such times in ways that help one grow, rather than actions that may hurt. It may not be easy but you can make a conscious choice to live a quality life.
He/She made me do it!
When things go wrong, and we are sad, we often blame our woes on others. When these hurt feelings and anger, overwhelms us, the instinct to blame and hurt the other party is a common response. This attitude just sets up a roller coaster reaction, exacerbating the problems.
While some can deal with pain and disappointment and function satisfactorily, many do not know how to cope and where to find answers. When no solutions are found, it may lead to the individuals harming themselves or others, forever impacting the lives of everyone associated with the individual, sometimes irreparably.
Stimuli and Consequences
While another person may be a stimulus for awakening certain negative emotions in us, our reaction to that emotion and the consequences that follow is entirely our own responsibility. This response may seem unreasonable, but when you consider it carefully, there is actually liberation in this line of thinking. It really is up to each one of us to decide and choose which path to follow. passage that always inspires me is this one that Dr. Covey describes.
“Between stimulus and response is a space. In this space lies our freedom to choose our response. In these choices lie our growth and our happiness.”
Dr. Covey continues to point out that, “Next to life itself, this self-awareness and our freedom to choose, to direct our lives, is our most precious gift and power”. If we are able to reflect on this, it becomes clear that no matter what we have experienced and how we are provoked, we choose our response and nobody else is to blame for our choices.
Similarly, this approach also helps to relieve one of guilt, that you may have caused someone to respond the way they did. Ultimately, the choices one makes determines the quality of one's lifestyle.
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