Choose A Quality Life
Take a break, get your favorite beverage, relax, and join me, Nirmala Pather, to chat about how you can make the
day a good one.
[Photographer: Shyam Pather]
Let's chat, share our thoughts and find ways to sustain and strengthen us during the down times in life. We all experience them at some time, so would it not be nice to know how to cope with it in ways that help you grow, rather than actions that may hurt you even more? Sometimes it is also the trivial things that get to us, such as that annoying friend, or just how to fit in cooking dinner for the day. Most of us would like to cope better and feel calm and satisfied at the end of the day.
You can do that by making a conscious choice to live a Quality Life.
He/She made me do it!
When things go wrong, and we are sad, we often blame our woes on others. When these hurt feelings and anger, overwhelms us, the instinct to blame and hurt the other party is a common response. This attitude just sets up a roller coaster reaction, exacerbating the problems.
While some can deal with pain and disappointment and function satisfactorily, many do not know how to cope and where to find answers. When no solutions are found, it may lead to the individuals harming themselves or others, forever impacting the lives of everyone associated with the individual, sometimes irreparably.
Stimuli and Consequences
While another person may be a stimulus for awakening certain negative emotions in us,
our reaction to that emotion and the consequences that follow is entirely our own responsibility.
This response may seem unreasonable, but when you consider it carefully, there is actually liberation in this line of thinking. It really is up to each one of us to decide and choose which path to follow.
A passage that always inspires me is this one that Dr. Covey describes. He explains that he came across this in a book and he was literally staggered by what he read.
Between stimulus and response is a space. In this space lies our freedom to choose our response. In these choices lie our growth and our happiness.
Dr. Covey continues to point out that, “Next to life itself, this self-awareness and our freedom to choose, to direct our lives, is our most precious gift and power”. If we are able to reflect on this, it becomes clear that no matter what we have experienced and how we are provoked, we choose our response and nobody else is to blame for our choices.
Exercise, Emotions and Aging
Taking the concept of choices to another level, Dr. Henry S Lodge in his article “ You can stop "normal” aging ”, in the San Francisco Chronicle, Parade states that, “ From your bodies point of view "normal” aging isn't normal at all. It's a choice you make by the way you live your life. The other choice is to tell your cells to grow - to build a strong, vibrant body and mind. ” He continues by describing how lifestyles with stress, lack of exercise and junk food actually let bodies "decay”, not age.
On the other hand, taking care of yourself, exercising, and eating correctly, encourages growth throughout the cells of our body. He suggests that whether the body is functioning younger or older is a choice you make by how you live. You choose whether your cells grow or decay every day.
Dr. Lodge then mentions another “ Master Signal to our cells-equal and in some respects, even more important than exercise- is emotion.
One of the most fascinating revelations of the last decade is that emotions change our cells through the same molecular pathways as exercise.” Anger, stress and loneliness are signals to our cells to decay, and have a similar effect as sedentary living. “ Optimism, love, and community trigger the process of growth, building our bodies, hearts and minds.” He continues to cite examples of the decline and even death of those deprived of caring and stimulation.
As a social worker I saw first hand the terrible effects on children, who were deprived of nurturing and stimulation as babies and infants. Babies learn to trust when caregivers respond to their cries and comfort them. They learn that this is a safe enviroment when a need is expressed and someone responds. On the other hand, when their cries go unheeded and there is no stimulation, their development is stunted, emotionally and often physically as well. Many foster parents nurture such children who have great difficulty with trust issues and healthy relationships. Dr. Henry S Lodge is on the faculty of Columbia Medical School. He is a co-author of the book, “Younger Next Year”
People often equate quality living with great wealth and material possessions. While they do provide luxuries such as fancy homes, cars, good schools, the chance to travel, and many opportunities, whether they bring true security, peace of mind, and quality living is questionable. The media often exposes the troubled lives of those who are rich and famous.
Many celebrities, while blessed with talent and subsequently, great wealth, are known to be struggling with drug dependency, stormy relationships, sudden bursts of temper and inappropriate conduct. They have access to almost every kind of material possessions, but still suffer from depression and pain in their lives. It seems that it is something beyond material possessions that promote quality living. The brainstorming segment below, helps us to examine the qualities that contribute to contentment, success and happiness
So What Are Those Elusive Qualities ?
How do some handle day to day crises with grace and diplomacy and others flounder?
After a crisis, are we able to lift our heads up high, and have the pleasure of knowing that we kept our cool?
Are we able to express ourselves calmly, using inner resources within ourselves, in the face of negative opposition?
Brainstorming Quality Living
produced these results. See what you come up with and work towards making those, qualities of your choice.
- Good health
- A sense of humor
- Good relationships & support systems
- A satisfying job & good work ethics
- Confidence independence innovative
- Exercise hobbies budgeting
- Respect empathy honesty
- A non-judgmental attitude caring
- Loving listening
- Some organization
- Socializing flexible
- Taking care of yourself & good grooming
- Open to suggestions music
- “Seizing the day”
- Meditation
Is all of this Possible?
Yes, I truly believe it is. There are people who display all or most of these qualities in their interactions. Although we all possess these qualities, we do not exercise them sufficiently and most of us tend to fluctuate between the qualities outlined, some with more success than others. It is said that anyone can achieve harmony and serenity, but it requires a lot of hard work. As one of my mentors says, just as you have to train your body to achieve physical fitness when you plan to run a marathon, you can train your mental attitude to achieve the above qualities towards Quality Living.
Can all Problems be Resolved?
Sometimes it may mean that you have to move away from a situation that is not a healthy one. This may include mental health problems, chemical dependency and child endangerment issues. You may need the support of a counselor to help you come to terms with your choices. Should you terminate a relationship, the resources mentioned here will assist in coming to terms with the loss, coping with grief issues and encouraging you to look within for strength in to cope with anger, stress, and negativity.
Simple Solutions
When you look good you feel good. Just pulling up the shoulders improves one's posture and gives an outward appearance of a confident person as opposed to slouching. Well groomed hair, make-up, a good fitting outfit, and accessories can add that finishing touch. Smelling good and fresh, with a smile on your face can do a lot to cheer you as others respond to a friendly disposition. “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” [Thich Nhat Hnah] Make an active effort to explore things that you will enjoy and also help to elevate your mood. It may be music, reading, joining a book club, gardening or volunteer work.
Diet
Eating food that is, vegetarian, nourishing, yet easy to prepare is good for general health and well being. The recipes on this site will help you to comply with the health recommendations to eat at least 5 helpings of vegetables every day. Of course, it is up to the individual to choose a diet preference.
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